Glorified Evil

So I have successfully defended my dissertation.

It feels a little wierd. This is the rite of passage to get a Ph.D., to have the prefix Dr. attached to your name — just basically a presentation of your work and handle questions on it. Why is it that I do not feel any difference between my states before and after the exam. I did not grow or learn during the defense.

Or maybe, its the many-year-long organic growth process that leads to the defense. But then why have the defense? Why not just have the dissertation peer-reviewed and thats it?

In any case, it does feel relieved to have completed.

And now to further things. Physics Education Research. I am excited about that, about learning a whole new topic and new research methods. 

Two days away .. Monday 10.00 a.m.

This is what six years of work boils down to. This is what it looks like.

What does it feel like?
Strange.

And then I will be moving out into the world. Leaving behind that which I knew, leaving behind that which I thought would be and onto a new beginning. Who knows for how long? Life has not really been good at following the path that I set out for it — and I guess I am thankful for that, in general (Otherwise, I might have ended up as a one-dimensional bookworm with my research as the only thing in life, intensely religious, ignorant of the world, definitely boring and maybe stupid). All I have done is tried to be cognizant of the twists in life’s path and take decisions accordingly stepping carefully while keeping track of the final destination. This time I am exercising less caution. Part-time work, uncertainties, against peer pressure … but I think I have a greater view of the final destination now.

When I was about to graduate from High School, a very dear teacher of mine had said to me, "Ayush, I am sure that you will be successful. Do not seek it. Look for happiness in life." I like to believe that it is something I have tried to pursue and it has led me into strange paths at times (like dungeons …. oops ..).